I’m staring at the small line on my blank document flashing back at me. It’s demanding me, “What are you going to write, Rosy?” “You should’ve started writing hours ago!” “Write something!” “You need to go grocery shopping soon, hurry up and write!” “You haven’t posted anything all month!”
Sigh….I wrote in previous posts that I would tell you all about my trip to Panama in 3 posts. I sincerely meant it. I have the notes on what I want to share with you from the last 5 days of my trip and pictures that place me back to those special moments I shared with my loved ones. I want to hurry up and close out that trilogy post so I can move on to the most current things in my heart. I wanted the posts about my Panama trip to be published back to back because that’s what makes most sense. But you know what? I make the rules and I can change them. So today I will write about what is heavy on my heart at this very moment.
I had a decent day yesterday. It wasn’t the best day and certainly not the worst day. It was just kind of blah. I was productive, as in I was able to cross off some items off my work to do list and my personal to do list. Things got done that I had delegated and it was just still kind of an ehhhh day.
I came home yesterday evening when the smallest thing just went wrong and I absolutely lost it. My patience was shot. I raised my voice. I refused to go on with my evening until it was resolved. I absolutely let it tank my mood for the next hour or so. This wasn’t the first of this kind of incident lately. Last week, I had a similar moment.
I’m normally a very patient person and lately it just seems like my patience glass is full to the rim and it’s staying there. There is nothing that can relieve it and it is in constant threat to spill over and make a mess.
When my husband came home after me yesterday, I began spouting it all. The happenings of the last few minutes, to the things that didn’t go well that day, to what I had been carrying in my heart silently for weeks. I was a true mess for a few minutes there.
There is so much going on and not enough time to do it. So many people want something from me- some direction, a response, a call, an e-mail, time, etc. My friend needs me to send him some resources I have that he wants, my brother wants me to send him some resources and info that will help with his new position at work, my friend needs me in the planning of a party, my husband is excited about our new family fantasy football league which means I need to make time to research, get ready for the draft, and apparently host the family over every Sunday starting this weekend. I need to finish writing the policies and procedures and finish working on a sponsorship deck for a non-profit I’m volunteering with, my book needs dire attention, I need to pick up new contact lenses, find time for physical therapy, I need to write this post, and so on and so on….just to name a few. Work- don’t even get me started! I’m lucky and grateful to go five minutes without an interruption over someone wanting or needing some question answered or some direction from me. My mind feels like a jello mushy mess of overwhelming thinking and having to constantly switch gears all day, every day.
When I vented like a crazy person at my husband, he said a lot of things that really hit home for me, but I’ll share this one with you:
Don’t let anyone (or anything) steal your joy.
We are so incredibly blessed and truly grateful for everyone in our lives and everything that we have. Why has it gotten so easy for me to lose sight of the important things? My life is full of purpose.
I needed to hear that reminder at that very moment. He gave me a tight hug and we went to dinner.
I have many great things in the works right now. I decided that this was going to be my gutsy year and so I’ve pushed myself to close out projects, hold additional leadership roles, and generally speaking put myself out there more which has temporarily tripled my to do list and has made time an even greater challenge for me. I’ve grown to be impatient with time and just want what I want now so I can move on to the next task, but that’s not how it works.
I haven’t been able to run (my go to outlet for stress) due to an injury I got a couple months ago. I’m healing but progress is slow. I’m forcing myself to meditate to try to find some peaceful moments in my day. I’m still new, but working on it. I’m making time for other workouts, and still looking for my newfound passion until I can hit the pavement again. What’s your outlet?
But overall, I am learning to practice having a little patience and a lot of faith that all things will fall into place exactly how and when they need to. What a lesson!
Thanks for listening. Until the next post!
<3 Big Sis Rosy